totaly gutted.

[the loon]

Nothing connected with MC in anyway what so ever but I need to make an announcement.

It seems that me and SWMBO are no longer a couple. Last week she moved out and took the kids with her.

As you may or may not know she had been receiving cancer treatment for the last three years and has told me that she  now wants “different things from life” and it seems our marriage isn’t one of them.
I am to say the least totally gutted. This came totally out of the blue  with no indication of how she felt.
I came home from work and found a “Dear John….” note on the table and all her stuff and most of the kids things gone.
I’ve since spoken to her and the doctor has diagnosed depression and prescribed her medication.
But worse was to come. I called her on Thursday and she told me she was taking the kids away with her for a few days so she could sort herself out. No problems with this myself but asked her when she was intending to tell me as I wanted to see the kids at the weekend . No answer.
So I manage to get out of her that she was going away to her parents friends caravan near Whitby.
I’ve spoken to her this morning but she was less than chatty and now her mobiles off so have left her a couple of answer phone messages.
If anyone has been in a similar situation how did you get through it? I have no idea what bought this on with her. I so want to talk to her but it seems she doesn’t want to know and I feel like every thing we have been through together in the last 10 years of our relationship means nothing.
She says she still wants me as a friend but is this how you treat a friend?

[dew1911]

Gutted for you mate :( My parents split 2 years ago now and to say it hurts would be the understatement of the century. I ended up spending a week off school because I just couldn't stop crying.

You've just got to keep a strong face (Hard I know), And make sure you are their for the kids, they'll need you to be a rock for them now, as it will be as tough for them as it is for you.

[Damonski]

Must be the latest fashion trend ;)

Will PM yay

[Edge]

Gutted for you Neil.

Been through the same myself , ended up arguing with her and that made things much/much worse.
I now wish i'd given her a bit of space and my blessing (wishing her happiness in her choices in life),

Cant suggest how to deal with it, as i found i couldnt deal with it myself...

Best thing would be to offer her your support in any choices she makes, as its much better to stay good friends than end up like me.

Don't stay in dwelling on things.... you need to keep busy.

[UDTrev]

Good luck,

Sorry to hear your news, I hope all goes well for you.


Trev

[Sharpshooter]

Sorry to hear your bad news. As in most cases with things like this.

Just remember, if things get to much, you have lots of friends to turn to.

I have had bad things happen to me, including my parents seperation when i was young. And i needed my friends more than ever. I just wish i had the club availiable at the time.

Chin up and you will know what to do when the time comes.

[Jim-Willy]

Bad news Matey, i'll buy You a pint at 'clog.

[Miniman]

Yeh ya better be going to clog still.....
PM Sent

[att]

I don`t have any miracle answer or resolution to your situation, I just know, reading between the lines that this is very hard for you.
I was in a similar situation some 10 years ago, though my wife did not have cancer.....Well, apart from me, I guess I was the Cancer!

I ended up having counselling and it was good, very good, however, i feel your needs will obviously be different to mine at the time.
I studied to be a counsellor myself, so I understand to a certain degree the anguish that you are going through, though not in the same way that you are, it is such a personal thing to have to go through and I feel that putting yourself in her shoes may bring a little clarity to the situation for yourself.

You need to listen to yourself, distinguish waht your needs are and act accordingly, do what you need to do to keep yourself sane and safe, whilst at the same time being respective to the needs of your wife and children.

Having children and being married, you may have forgotten where that place is (your safe and sane place).....You may need to re-discover.
I just know that you need to be yourself and healthy of body and mind before you can help others effectively.

I may be talking crap, so feel free to tell me so.......Everyone in the world is different and thus has different needs, so it is difficult to offer advice or indeed wrong in many instances.

[blade]

my advice is to give her some space but let her know your there at the end of the day its her choice i just hope it all works out for you and the kids

[markyd]

Sorry to hear about your troubles mate, i dont often post, but this touched a nerve. I am very fortunate not to have gone through what you are going through at the mo.

What ever happens mate follow your heart and be strong.

[missroadrage]

I am in the opposite position - I'm the one leaving.

I have never had a serious illness like cancer but have suffered from depression. You tend to push every one away that you need most.

I can in a way understand the fact that she wants different things from life as if she has suffered cancer & depression she may feel that a change of scenery will help her move on.

My son is not from my marriage so the kids side of it won't be as difficult but I too have asked to stay friends with my ex.

It may seem hard but I think that if you give her time to live a little you both may be able to move past this & be friends.

I wish you all the best & hope that things work out for you & your family.

[Jake]

Gutted for you.
I cant begin to imagine what your going through.
Keep your chin up mate
 :(

[the loon]

many thanks to you all.
especialy Misroadrage to help me see it from the other side as it where.
I've had a few PM's (thanks again - you know who you are)
I'll keep you all posted as to whats going on but I wont be having a dig at anyone as dont want to put MC in any difficult possitions so if you get PM's from me dont be supprised
also Att - that makes a lot of sence

[Richie_EB4]

Sorry to here this............hope things get sorted for the better.

Good luck

[bezzabsa]

been through that too, my son was 8 months old when my 1st wife said she wanted a divorce, really hit me hard especially as her new 'friend' was a friend of mine - and she moved him in a week after we split!
been 13 years now and we still cant have a civil conversation - to the point that I no longer even attempt  to speak to her, thought it easier on me and my son!
Give your wife room and time and she will makeher own mind up - if you appear to be 'crowding' her she may make the wrong decidion.
Good luck, and keep optimistic

[simdeb]

it's hard when a family spilts up, but in my experence with simon after so long he will do anything which iinvloves off-roading like shows, weekends away even pub meets but when i ask him to say take the dogs a short walk he's not intrested and makes any excuse.  one night last week i asked him to walk up to my mums and on the way back we'd call for a bag of chips he actually said yes. sometimes i think we can all think that i can't be bothered but sometimes we all need to bother about the other person in the relationship (landlooney this isn't aimed at you) i'm not having a go at anyone but from going to meetings and weekends i feel that i am not the only one who gets this response either. i've had depreesion too, its awful as any one whos had it can agree, i'm lucky as when i feel it coming i do make changes as i never want to feel that way again.  as our close freind know we've had some problems recent but are trying to work through them at present all is going well but it is hard to sort out what you don't like anymore about a relationship.

LIKE I SAID BEFORE i am not having a go at anybody just putting my side forward

debbie

[discograham]

I don't know where to begin. I do know exactly how you feel though as something similar happened to me about four years ago. Il'e pm you my "story".. only because it may help you though these terrible times.. there is a light... I guess you can't see it yet, but it does come on in the end, and the pain fades..it never goes, but it does dull somewhat.
One word of warning... if you find you can't sleep, don't think that one little drink will help, even for just one night... for sure, it will take the pain away of a fashion, but it is a one way route and you can't allow yourself to go there....
PM coming up....

[Colin 009]

landyloony

get down to Heathrow on monday and

Come to Thialand with me,  :lol:   That'll help you forget about your troubles.

[freeagent]

i know how you feel, it happened to me a few years back, although we had no kids, she wanted out, and we didn't even speak for 10 months, then a chance meeting got us talking again and 2 years later we are planning our wedding.

i had no intention of ever even speaking to her again until we bumped into each other...

all i can suggest in your situation right now is give her some space, its realy hard, not picking up the phone, or sending a quick text, but i can asure you it'll make you feel worse if you hastle her.. and you need to think about yourself at the moment.... try and see your friends, even if its just for a quick pint, all the time you are busy you are not staring at your mobile waiting for it to ring.

don't try to divide your mutual friends, just tell everone the truth, even if it makes you look bad, everyone will hear different stuff from either side, but if you tell it like it is, you won't look a fool at a later date...

talk to people about it, your friends and family will understand, just be carefull not to wear them down...

try to picture a point in the future when you can imagine yourself being at peace with the situation, then try to draw that time closer, plan things to do with your life, don't think about other relationships, just concerntrate on healing yourself.....

oh, and when you feel better, go to evening classes, i re-did my english GCSE and the class was full of super late 20's lasses who were trying to better themselves... this is without a doubt the best place to pull... :D

when my life was falling appart, my mum told me that relationships were the hardest thing that lfe throws in front of you.... and my god she was right....

[the loon]

Again many thanks to all who have posted there support in either PM or on thread you dont know how much differance you have made.

I cant say really now whats been happening over the last couple of days as I'm not getting into a mud slinging match and not going to put MC in a position regaurds to forums and possible legal action etc

All I can say is that I'll be speaking to a solicotor hopefully early next week