silly questions !!!

[Lord Shagg-Pyle]

whilst stuck in a traffic jam the other day some more idiotic things that people have said came back to me.

1) A colleague and I went to a domestic where the guy had thumped his wife. We walk in and the bloke refuses to listen to reason, so I nick him. He refuses, saying "You'll never take me alive, copper". What? So the Quick Kuffs get clicked on, a quick flick of the wrist and he is mewing like a little baby. He gets lifted onto his feet, and then says "It'll take more than you two to arrest me". I then pointed out to him that it had just taken two of us less than 30 seconds to arrest him. What a dick!

2) I was sat in a large white Police car, with the words Police written on it. I am wearing my uniform. I get asked by a member of the Public, "Are you on duty?" "Er no, not really, I just have a uniform fetish"

3) I was searching a particularly obnoxious, drunk man when he came out with the classic "I bet you really like touching blokes up don't you?" The reply was "I couldn't possibly comment sweety, but your not my type anyway. Your breath smells, and you have an awful taste in clothing. Sergeant, be a dear, and pass the latex gloves, I think he might have secreted something, if you catch my drift"
The drunk shut  up and became very compliant.

Saying that, the Public don't have the monopoly on saying daft things. Coppers have been known to say a few silly things.

1) To an injured person at an accident. "Are you OK?"
2)To the sole occupant of a car that has just been stopped "Are you the driver of this vehicle?"
3) To a robbery victim. "So what did the masked robber look like?"
4) On arriving at a arson scene, said to a member of the Fire Crew "Where's the fire then?", to which the reply came "Where that large hot, flickering yellow and orange thing is.I'm sorry if its confusing mate"


As Shylock said in the Merchant of Venice "If you cut us, do we not bleed?"


P.S for Boggert: If you don't want to try ' Talk like a Pirate Day', try American Cop Day. This is where you deal with everyone in the style and speech of, not surprisingly, an American Cop. It can be quite amusing, especially if you choose an accent form the Deep South, as in Sheriff Jay Dudya Pepper, of the Louisianna State Po'Leece Deeepartment!
That way you can use the phrase:
"You picked the wrong county to haul ass thru, boy! You think you are some kind of goddam special agent?"
At the very least, it will make your day seem a lot more amusing. At best, it will guarantee you 6 months off while PSD suspend you for investigation to see if you have gone loony! Worked for me!

[shaun and co]

know a girl who lost half her leg in a scuba diving accident. after a year on disability the dss wrote to her to ask her if she was still disabled!

[Lord Shagg-Pyle]

know a girl who lost half her leg in a scuba diving accident. after a year on disability the dss wrote to her to ask her if she was still disabled!

Typical bureaucrats!

[Xtremeteam]

can remember a customer came into where i used to work & asked the boss to have a look at his landrover, cant rememeber what the exact fault was but the boss asked the customer if he could hold on 2 seconds whilst he unplugged his magic wand from the charger & brought it over :lol::lol:

[Dave_]

I work on the buses  and regularly get people saying a road name and just expecting you to know where it is.!

I drive 60 odd routes through 9 towns.... i dont know every single road name i go down!





pubs on the other hand!! :lol:

[Bush Tucker Man]

I work on the buses  and regularly get people saying a road name and just expecting you to know where it is.!

I drive 60 odd routes through 9 towns.... i dont know every single road name i go down!


pubs on the other hand!! :lol:

It's a similar situation for us, 60,000+ patients a year pass through the departments doors & they think we'll remember them :lol:

Obviously some we do remember, or wish to forget; regular attenders (100 'presentations' a year in some cases!!), abusive/violent drunks, homeless, 'psych-cases', self-harmers, etc, etc.....

Pubs, I remember, even though I'm tee-total. They're just good landmarks

[hairyasswelder]

As a welder I used to make mining equipment which was heavy duty stuff.
I would lay approx 2 feet of weld (10mm fillet) and move to the next one,
Someone would always ask 'is that hot' while it was still glowing  :roll:

[dazliss]

Not exactly a stupid question but it is completely true and deserves a mention.

 was working in the wood mill of a builders merchant several years ago when a customer approched me and told me he needed some wood,
"no problem" I replied, "what kind of wood are you after"

"Tree wood" he replied, Priceless!!!!! :?

[diggerdog36]

Forces lads will appreciate this, when you get leave and go home, the first question people ask is....

"when do you go back?"

"Ive just <edit> got here!!!

is my reply!!!"

[diggerdog36]

Aswell, not long ago I got a flight in a Tornado Jet, and we had a technical problem, when I got home I told my mam about the fault and emergency state......her response,

Did you have to ejaculate?
Eject mam, you eject!!!

[gtomo2]

Forces lads will appreciate this, when you get leave and go home, the first question people ask is....

"when do you go back?"

"Ive just <edit> got here!!!

is my reply!!!"

Yes soooo true

[Evilgoat]

Working on a projection TV system, 3 tube high power jobbie. Tech that looked before me didnt put one of the anode caps on right, so while adjusting it...

<CRACK>

lots of bruises from hitting the other side of the workshop and one hell of an electric shock later, the tech saunters over

'Are you ok? That shouldnt have happened.'

Said tech was walking out the building with a box containing his worldly goods a few hours later. I still have the scar.

[MuddyMike]

does anyone at work repeatedly get asked the same stupid questions that drive them mad ? i drill holes in the ground for geo-environmental purposes and am constantly asked " struck oil yet ?" like its the first time i have heard it,  i swear i will kill again :)

So, come on, tell us. Have you struck oil yet?  :lol:

Mike