Mud-club
Chat & Social => The Bar - General Chat => Topic started by: waterrover on August 01, 2007, 20:43:48
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does anyone at work repeatedly get asked the same stupid questions that drive them mad ? i drill holes in the ground for geo-environmental purposes and am constantly asked " struck oil yet ?" like its the first time i have heard it, i swear i will kill again :)
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You didnt drill so holes in redbank in measham a few weeks again did you. Oh and did you hit water :wink: :lol:
I will get me coat :roll:
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not guilty this time :oops:
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im a plasterer and wish i had a pound for every time a customer says i bet your good at icing cakes... recon i could afford one of those fancy new defenders if they had
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thank god im not the only one :lol:
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I used to drive a truck that had redbank wrote allover it and had a jacket etc that said redbank. and people still used to ask me what firm or what am i delivering when i pulled up at drops :twisted:
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Yes, same thing day in day out, god I hate tech support work.
I really wish I could say RTFM looser!
Americans are the worst:
Me: Have you checked that you can ping your system?
Them: Okay
Me: Did you ping your system?
Them: Okay
at which point I feel the desire to just scream at them 'Its a goddam yes or no question, it really isnt that hard to answer!'
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always getting "does it hurt?"
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Electricians also get asked daft questions;
“Hope you know what wire does what!â€
Changing a domestic consumer unit, all cables sticking out of the wall (obviously not attached to anything!), customer says,†I want to put the kettle on!†This is after telling them that ALL the power will be off for a few hours!!!
:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
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When assessing a damaged vehicle the favorite one is
''while youv'e got the paint in the gun''
yeah yeah we'll repaint the rest of your car for free then shall we ?:twisted: :twisted:
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sparkeys also get, just as you have touched the wire, the coustomer will make a "buzz" noise. ye like that makes me think i have been electricuted :roll:
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we have four boys and on taking our 3rd son out very pleased (as i had a very difficult 5 months ) i got greeted 'i bet your very disappointed its another boy' while they were looking over the pram won't say what i replied my mum said it wasn't called for!!
i never say 'i bet you wanted a girl' it really gets my goat
debbie
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does anyone at work repeatedly get asked the same stupid questions that drive them mad ? i drill holes in the ground for geo-environmental purposes and am constantly asked " struck oil yet ?" like its the first time i have heard it, i swear i will kill again :)
Funny you should say that! I was second man on a Dando 150 quite a few years ago (and still got all me fingers) and yes, all the time we had the same stupid question, "have you struck oil yet?" Now i work as a draughtsman for a steel fabricators, and when we issue drawings for approval by architects our MD always says "is that what they want??" to wich we reply, you priced it you tell me! :shock:
Cheers
Mark
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not sure if this is the same but it irritates the bejesus out of me
i did my cycle ride to paris last month, 6 weeks ago in fact
and i STILL get people asking "have you recovered yet"
...
i sometimes say no, after the crash and the loss of an arm im still coming to terms with it...
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buzz words at work always pee me off...
shoot from the hip, hit the ground running, but the best is................
going for a Mc sh*te
I think thats when you use Mcdonalds toilets and dont buy anything!
bloody salesmen!
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The stupid questions I get asked usually fall into 2 categories; On or Off Duty
On Duty
1) Q:Why aren't you out catching murderers, rapists, terrorists?
A: Because I am dealing with a cretin like you!
2) Q: Haven't you got anything better to do?
A: No not really. I was bored, so I just thought I would annoy you by catching you speeding.
3) Q: Why is the road closed?
A: There has been a serious accident
Q: Can I get through there, I need to get to the shops.
A: Hang on sir, I'll just ask the injured person to glue themselves back together again, move their wrecked car and I'll then horsewhip them as they dared to block your way.
4) Q:Does your head go all the way to the top of that helmet?
A: yes it does actually. I had my cranium increased to have a large brain installed to be able to deal with the large amount of cretinous questions I get asked.
5) Q:Where's your sense of humour?
A: At the end of this baton. If you look closely, you can just see it (tap tap on the forehead) There it is!
6) Q: Don't you know who I am?
A: No, thats why I stopped you, because I really wanted to find out who you are, so we could be pen pals!
Off Duty
1) Q: My 'friend' got done for speeding/mobile phone/ no seat belt. What can they do?
A:(Looking person straight in the eye) Tell your idiotic, no brainer of a 'friend' to stick to the rules
2) Q: Do you take your handcuffs home at the weekend?
A: Yes, they go quite well with my gimp mask, although I find the leather does tend to chaffe a bit. Do you have the same problem?
This list is by now means the full lot, but you are probably bored by now. I would like to point out, that these answers are not the first line of response, as that would be unprofessional and dis-courteous. They are usually used after a bad day and after having been asked the same question several times in a row.
As they say in America, "Have a nice day, y'all" :wink:
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sparkeys also get, just as you have touched the wire, the coustomer will make a "buzz" noise. ye like that makes me think i have been electricuted :roll:
Forgot that one!!!!! :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
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i get asked this a lot when i tell them where i work...
so do you get to see the car ads before the rest of us? err noo
go on put on a car for me for owt! err no
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LSP you crease me up.... :lol: PMSL :lol: :lol: :lol:
My colleague has dared me to talk to the next punter we run into lika a piarate!
Just haven't got the courage yet!
My Std answer to "Haven't you got anything better to do?"
Is "Yes, which is why I'm so annoyed in having to deal with you so don't push it"
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sparkeys also get, just as you have touched the wire, the coustomer will make a "buzz" noise. ye like that makes me think i have been electricuted :roll:
Forgot that one!!!!! :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
and the "hope you no what your doing"
to wich you reply "well funny you mention that" or "yeh you better hope" :roll:
and always get a coustomer watching your every move, "so what that wire do then" to wich you reply "thats the live feed" then your thinking to yourself- if you dont shut up, i will shove it down your throat and turn the thing on! :twisted: :roll:
and the kettle one wich you said that happens quite a lot you always get asked if you want a cuppa just as you have turned the electric of :roll: :roll:
i no there is many more wich im shure you heard all of the a million times :roll:
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5) Q:Where's your sense of humour?
A: At the end of this baton. If you look closely, you can just see it (tap tap on the forehead) There it is!
Love it... reminds me of the old army fable...
RSM is inspecting troops.. places pace stick on chest of a soldier and screams at him... "soldier there is a piece of sh... on the end of my stick!"
Soldier responds.... "Well it's not on my end sir" :shock:
Needless to say there was some very quick "deft, dight"ing* going on shortly thereafter!
*For those that don't get it... normal marching pace is something like 70 paces to the minute... but if you get "jailed" it's 120 paces to the minute... and "deft, dight" is what "left, right" turn into at the hands of a drill Sgt
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Not so much stupid questions, but some can get riite annoying sometimes..
"why does the army need boats"
and
"Why do you wear Navy uniform when your in the army"
are two of the most frequent, I get fed up with answering them, especially when we are alongside Poole harbour and every other person asks the same question.
The best one, by a mile, is
"what does A-R-M-Y stand for???"
Then of course there is the standard "have you ever shot anyone" or "what do you think of the war in Iraq"
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we was always told never to ask anyone in the army if they have shot anyone.
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LSP, make me ROAR!
god thats funny!
i love it! tell me more!
R
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I went to one of the local garages today to see if I could squeeze my car in for an MOT.
Walked up to the mechanic and opened up the conversation with "Are you busy?" the instant reply was "Yea, it's where I work"
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As a truck mechanic I get drivers coming up saying "You'll never guess what's wrong with my motor now". I'm amazed how good they are at reading my mind :roll:
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As a truck mechanic I get drivers coming up saying "You'll never guess what's wrong with my motor now". I'm amazed how good they are at reading my mind :roll:
As a truck driver i resent that remark As i normaly say "I broke something". Had to laugh when the machinc said sorry mate we dont stock "something" i will have to order it for you. :wink: :lol:
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When I was an Anatomical Pathology Tech, one of the stupid questions I was regularly asked was "do you have to see dead people?" sadly it was prior to the fillum 6th sense, cos of course, the answer now would be "I see dead people, all the time......."
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Back to army days. When i used to command a cvr"t" sabre. A member of the public came up to me when we were parked up in a town centre getting some supplies from the wine store and asked "how did you get that here" to which my reply was " i got the driver to drive it here". And a good one i got asked was when i was in bovvy doing a gunner course with cvr"w" fox the gunner instructor (god) asked as he had never seen a fox aromured car before what the doors were on the side (hint they are side bins for sotoring stuff in) We told him thay were escape pods for the turret crew they deploy from the fox and have there own power sorce and can speed up to 40 mph etc had him going for a couple of days on that one.
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I used to work as a TV cameraman, often working with big cameras and lenses at big sporting events.
I forgot how times I was asked 'is this going to be on telly then....?'
No mate, it's for the radio.... :roll:
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whilst stuck in a traffic jam the other day some more idiotic things that people have said came back to me.
1) A colleague and I went to a domestic where the guy had thumped his wife. We walk in and the bloke refuses to listen to reason, so I nick him. He refuses, saying "You'll never take me alive, copper". What? So the Quick Kuffs get clicked on, a quick flick of the wrist and he is mewing like a little baby. He gets lifted onto his feet, and then says "It'll take more than you two to arrest me". I then pointed out to him that it had just taken two of us less than 30 seconds to arrest him. What a dick!
2) I was sat in a large white Police car, with the words Police written on it. I am wearing my uniform. I get asked by a member of the Public, "Are you on duty?" "Er no, not really, I just have a uniform fetish"
3) I was searching a particularly obnoxious, drunk man when he came out with the classic "I bet you really like touching blokes up don't you?" The reply was "I couldn't possibly comment sweety, but your not my type anyway. Your breath smells, and you have an awful taste in clothing. Sergeant, be a dear, and pass the latex gloves, I think he might have secreted something, if you catch my drift"
The drunk shut up and became very compliant.
Saying that, the Public don't have the monopoly on saying daft things. Coppers have been known to say a few silly things.
1) To an injured person at an accident. "Are you OK?"
2)To the sole occupant of a car that has just been stopped "Are you the driver of this vehicle?"
3) To a robbery victim. "So what did the masked robber look like?"
4) On arriving at a arson scene, said to a member of the Fire Crew "Where's the fire then?", to which the reply came "Where that large hot, flickering yellow and orange thing is.I'm sorry if its confusing mate"
As Shylock said in the Merchant of Venice "If you cut us, do we not bleed?"
P.S for Boggert: If you don't want to try ' Talk like a Pirate Day', try American Cop Day. This is where you deal with everyone in the style and speech of, not surprisingly, an American Cop. It can be quite amusing, especially if you choose an accent form the Deep South, as in Sheriff Jay Dudya Pepper, of the Louisianna State Po'Leece Deeepartment!
That way you can use the phrase:
"You picked the wrong county to haul ass thru, boy! You think you are some kind of goddam special agent?"
At the very least, it will make your day seem a lot more amusing. At best, it will guarantee you 6 months off while PSD suspend you for investigation to see if you have gone loony! Worked for me!
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know a girl who lost half her leg in a scuba diving accident. after a year on disability the dss wrote to her to ask her if she was still disabled!
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know a girl who lost half her leg in a scuba diving accident. after a year on disability the dss wrote to her to ask her if she was still disabled!
Typical bureaucrats!
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can remember a customer came into where i used to work & asked the boss to have a look at his landrover, cant rememeber what the exact fault was but the boss asked the customer if he could hold on 2 seconds whilst he unplugged his magic wand from the charger & brought it over :lol::lol:
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I work on the buses and regularly get people saying a road name and just expecting you to know where it is.!
I drive 60 odd routes through 9 towns.... i dont know every single road name i go down!
pubs on the other hand!! :lol:
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I work on the buses and regularly get people saying a road name and just expecting you to know where it is.!
I drive 60 odd routes through 9 towns.... i dont know every single road name i go down!
pubs on the other hand!! :lol:
It's a similar situation for us, 60,000+ patients a year pass through the departments doors & they think we'll remember them :lol:
Obviously some we do remember, or wish to forget; regular attenders (100 'presentations' a year in some cases!!), abusive/violent drunks, homeless, 'psych-cases', self-harmers, etc, etc.....
Pubs, I remember, even though I'm tee-total. They're just good landmarks
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As a welder I used to make mining equipment which was heavy duty stuff.
I would lay approx 2 feet of weld (10mm fillet) and move to the next one,
Someone would always ask 'is that hot' while it was still glowing :roll:
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Not exactly a stupid question but it is completely true and deserves a mention.
was working in the wood mill of a builders merchant several years ago when a customer approched me and told me he needed some wood,
"no problem" I replied, "what kind of wood are you after"
"Tree wood" he replied, Priceless!!!!! :?
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Forces lads will appreciate this, when you get leave and go home, the first question people ask is....
"when do you go back?"
"Ive just <edit> (http://forums.mud-club.com/viewtopic.php?t=42831) got here!!!
is my reply!!!"
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Aswell, not long ago I got a flight in a Tornado Jet, and we had a technical problem, when I got home I told my mam about the fault and emergency state......her response,
Did you have to ejaculate?
Eject mam, you eject!!!
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Forces lads will appreciate this, when you get leave and go home, the first question people ask is....
"when do you go back?"
"Ive just <edit> (http://forums.mud-club.com/viewtopic.php?t=42831) got here!!!
is my reply!!!"
Yes soooo true
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Working on a projection TV system, 3 tube high power jobbie. Tech that looked before me didnt put one of the anode caps on right, so while adjusting it...
<CRACK>
lots of bruises from hitting the other side of the workshop and one hell of an electric shock later, the tech saunters over
'Are you ok? That shouldnt have happened.'
Said tech was walking out the building with a box containing his worldly goods a few hours later. I still have the scar.
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does anyone at work repeatedly get asked the same stupid questions that drive them mad ? i drill holes in the ground for geo-environmental purposes and am constantly asked " struck oil yet ?" like its the first time i have heard it, i swear i will kill again :)
So, come on, tell us. Have you struck oil yet? :lol:
Mike