Mud-club
Chat & Social => The Bar - General Chat => Topic started by: Lozza on November 21, 2007, 20:08:17
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If it had been presented this way,
I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on-call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
For the rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs £5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backgarden are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organise social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that University will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
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Very Good!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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I'm off to get the snip :twisted:
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I'm off to get the snip :twisted:
Not sure I'd go that far! :Ouch:
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KIDS ?????
YOU MUST BE JOKING :lol: :(biglaugh):
I'M FAR TO SELFISH, I ONLY MARRIED THE WIFE CUZ SHE SAYS SHE NEVER WANTS ANY 8)
I'M THE ONLY KID IN OUR RELATIONSHIP 8)
MORE TOYS FOR ME :wink:
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I used to think like that, if you'd asked me 2 years ago if I wanted kids I'd have said never in a million years.... :roll:
then an 'accident' last summer changed everything..... :roll: :oops:
We now have a 6 month old baby girl, who is the centre of my world...
I wouldn't swap this experience for a lottery win... 8)
I'd rather live on garbage than live without my daughter....
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I have two children..........who I hardly ever see *sigh* (not for lack of trying). It is call DIVORCE........................
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May i also add the aspect of catering
CATERING
Preparation of Michelin Guide Quality Restaurant food in milliseconds.
Short order chef skills required with added ability in Stealth Vegetables.
Acceptance that tomato Ketchup is the 6th food group essential.
Ability to feed said clients on miniscule budget
Knowledge that will be received and treatedwith negative gratitude.
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I used to think like that, if you'd asked me 2 years ago if I wanted kids I'd have said never in a million years.... :roll:
then an 'accident' last summer changed everything..... :roll: :oops:
We now have a 6 month old baby girl, who is the centre of my world...
I wouldn't swap this experience for a lottery win... 8)
I'd rather live on garbage than live without my daughter....
<edit> (http://forums.mud-club.com/viewtopic.php?t=42831), does your mrs know it's called an 'accident'....holy hell, jump in a TVR and run for cover.....
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KIDS ?????
YOU MUST BE JOKING :lol: :(biglaugh):
I'M FAR TO SELFISH, I ONLY MARRIED THE WIFE CUZ SHE SAYS SHE NEVER WANTS ANY 8)
I'M THE ONLY KID IN OUR RELATIONSHIP 8)
MORE TOYS FOR ME :wink:
Exactly !, Ditto at my house too :lol: :lol: :lol:
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i wouldn't be without my 4 either but i do think its easier to cope with teething , dirty nappies etc than teenagers but hey i may be having a criminal charge for the blokes car that hit my son :oops: but the police officer said he was going to ask for advice on how to take it
my rrc and my children (when in protective mode) are a dangerous combo
i do like the job description i find this one could be helpful too
extra care needed to bite tongue when KEVIN era arises!!!! :lol: :lol:
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I'm off to get the snip :twisted:
I did.
SWMBO never wanted any, then that 'biological clock' started ticking!!!!!!!!
We thought one was sufficient, so off I went.
I was really hoping/praying that I would not be referred to the Hospital where I work, that I did not fancy!!!!, thankfully I ended up at the Marie Stopes clinic in Leeds.
The worst thing about it was that the chap doing the procedure, asked me at a delicate moment -with the scalpel poised for the incision- if I was going to be watching the f**tball that evening :roll: :roll:
Just the time for tact & diplomacy, given the fact that I totally despise the (so called) game :wink:
I was brave & told him, I hated it, the 'local' had worked by this time thankfully ('Phew!!')