Lights !

[gag]

I dont know about the rest of this sceptered isle but up here in Northumberland it appears to be the rule that during the hours of darkness you should only take your vehicle out on the road if one of the headlights is twice its normal brightness and the other one giving off as much light as a cheap candle. I work shifts and have lost count in recent weeks of the number of cars/vans on the road where one light is on what looks to be full main beam and the other light very dim. Other gripes are boy racers with Vauxhall Novas lit up like Christmas trees, Mobile phones being used whilst driving in broad daylight and the unwritten rule that states that whenever you come across any 4x4, you MUST overtake it whatever the consequences. Just thought that the site members should be aware of these issues if they are planning a trip to this area.

Cheers.
GAG.

[Budgie]

Up here we also have the rule that you must drive with full beam on, even in areas lit with streetlights, until the oncoming vehicle is 200 yds away from you before dipping the lights.
Anothers include: You must drive with your fog lights on in any weather and indicators are to be use sparingly, one flash, and this is only to be made when you are half way across the other side of the road and in the process of making the turn.

A good, but lesser know, rule seems to be: When pulling out of a parking space at the local supermarket you have right of way over everything else in the said carpark and there is no requirement to turn your head away of the forward position until clear of the carpark exit.

[hairyasswelder]

This is Derbyshire.......
If you drive a BMW you only ever use sidelights, or those silly ring lights, anything boy racer only uses lower spot lights that point upwards and blind you.  If/when they do use high beam,and 'forget' to turn it off, they get offended when I refuse to turn mine off (see avatar) :twisted:
Indicators are optional, only to use hazzard (park anywhere) lights on blind corners, double parked or on double yellows or just waiting for someone in shop while holding the whole street up and of course on the zig zags of crossings.
As for overtaking 4x4's well they are all the same...... it must be worse for lorry drivers  

[Bush Tucker Man]

I came back along the A64 from York (between the A166 turn-off) & rejoining the A1 at Bramham 'cross-roads' & in the opposite direction I counted 10 cars without any lights showing at all :twisted:
Bearing in mind that it was 16:20 & well into being dusk

Idiots!!!!!!

But, of course, they can see perfectly well :roll:  :roll:
Never a Traffic Officer about when one's required

[Range Rover Blues]

Do you know why Blue is called "the Spanish Inquisition"? (not that I can be a***d to type it all the time.

It's because no-one expects......

They don't, it's invisible.  How often do I see that rabbit-in-the-headlights look as some muppet watches their lilfe flash before their eyes under my bumper.  I've lost count of the number of minor bumps it's had.  Yes I know a good driver should be able to avoid other people's mistake and believe me I do, but when the car is parked and some muppet's wife directs him to reverse into it, there really is no helping some people :roll:

[Ralph]

Its the same here in South wales, young [unpleasent fellows] in the obligatory 4litre nova thumping music and also has anyone else noticed that they all seem to be slouched against the drvivers door!! not sat straight in the seat, what is that all about??? Bigga claim for whiplash when they crash, easier to look at 13 year old girlfriend, watch dvd that they stole from some else??? i just cant make it out, someone must have an idea as they all do it. Take a look when your out next and you will notice it!!!!

[Bush Tucker Man]

else noticed that they all seem to be slouched against the drvivers door!! not sat straight in the seat, what is that all about??? Bigga claim for whiplash when they crash, easier to look at 13 year old girlfriend, watch dvd that they stole from some else??? i just cant make it out, someone must have an idea as they all do it. Take a look when your out next and you will notice it!!!!

It's the same up here as well.
All laid back in the seats, seemingly using their knuckles as an aiming site as one hand rests on top of the wheel.
Why?????

A couple of years ago I had the (grave) misfortune to drive an Escort (mk4) that was 'chavved up'
1. Seats so far back that you had to hold yourself upright by hanging onto the wheel
2. 17" tyres/alloys - a solid ride, due to no tyre sidewall to provide an initial degree of suspension (like riding on a shovel & enough to make a friends 109" 1-tonner seem pliant)
3. Ear-bleed stereo - with so many knobs that you can't find the off switch (big hammer helps :lol: )
Why do all these cars all seem to have the same 'thump-thump-thump', I thought they all wanted to be individual (shades of that scene in 'Life of Brian')
4. So low that speed humps that aren't a problem in the Mondeo (or Fabia) threaten to remove the exhaust
5. Speaking of which, why does a 1.3 Escort require a tail-pipe that would be more suitable to a supercharged 6.0litre Monaro?

I miss the 90V8-CSW in that respect, it used to scare a few boy-racers  :lol:

[Range Rover Blues]

Yeah, why is it that once they've fitted the bodykit that would make a snow-plough jealous they go and revers it over a couple of dustbins?

Don't you think that with a little black whippy aerial on the roof they look just like a Dyson, useless and plasticy :lol:

I saw a Coarser in Dronfield a while back, it had 4 tailpipes so big they only just fit between the bodywork and the ground.  WHY, it only just had enough engine power to move the car, without asking it to make so much noise as well.

[AbyssDJ]

its the same around here, especially on the country lanes... a few months back i scared some smart little [!Expletive Deleted!] so bad (not gonna go into details!!!!) that i think god himself actually flashed infront of his eyes.

have to say though... the latest fashion statement seems to be driving around on sidelights and fog lights... and if you have yellow fogs, then your SUPER cool.

[zacspeed]

Norfolk -
Diplomatic immunity hazard lights
Instant right of way as soon as indicator is used
Mandatory "look at me, I haven't got the crappy base model so I'll prove it with my retina melting front fog lights"


Exhibit "A":


I rest my case My 'Lud

Alright, I knicked the pic from the Top Gear "Carbage" section, buit you get the idea.
 :twisted:

[datalas]

what I've noticed is that there seems to be some rule requiring you to only have one working brake light, and if it happens to be the one on the same side as the fog light then you should of course leave the fog light on so that nobody can tell if you're braking or not :?

Harumph.

[Skibum346]

**Suggests changing title to "Grumpy Old Men"**

.... not that I disagree with a word of course... !

 :lol:

[V8MoneyPit]

There's a Corsa next door at work that has 4 huge drainpipes out the back and about 3" of ground clearance. Has the lurvly reg of C7RSA too!!  :roll:

And what about cyclists?? Are many of them immortal? They must be, otherwise they would have lights fitted and wear something other than black at night. And then they rant like crazy when you miss them by inches because they are invisible in dip beam until the last moment. But of course, it must be my fault I can't see them because I don't eat enough carrots!

[hairyasswelder]

Norfolk -
Diplomatic immunity hazard lights
Instant right of way as soon as indicator is used
Mandatory "look at me, I haven't got the crappy base model so I'll prove it with my retina melting front fog lights"


Exhibit "A":


I rest my case My 'Lud

Alright, I knicked the pic from the Top Gear "Carbage" section, buit you get the idea.
 :twisted:

Spot the difference  :lol:  :lol:

[barnhill4x4]

Why on earth do the Chav brigade insist on moving thier numberplates from the perfectly formed factory position, fill in the original hole then mount the plate in some other place and use a cheap trailer style light for it? There was nothing wrong with the factory position and at least it looked neat! If you are gonna move it at least make the new place neat!

[Cate]

Round here it is the fashion (especially amongst the older generation) to not use indicators at all, after all... they know where they are going don't they.
Brake lights are used at every possible moment, eg, on seeing a double decker bus heading towards you from 400yds away, apply brakes, slow down rapidly, bounce erratically between the verge and the centre line whilst trying to work out just how wide your Clio is (must be 9ft at least) as the bus passes veer to the verge and slam on brakes..... this makes an interesting sound of tyre screeches and swerves as all the other traffic that has now backed up behind (that would have got through that 10ft gap between verge and bus) suddenly realises that codger in front can't actually see over the steering wheel!
Don't even get me started on the motorbikes (only some) that sit just behind and to the right shining their lights in my side mirror! Grrrrr.

Oh, Merry Seasons Greetings to you all.

[DaveS]

Lost count of the cars with no lights this morning-a foggy orrible day! Incuding a police car on the M54 idiots!!!

[Evilgoat]

Foggy Nasty morning and Hey, LOAD of cars with NO lights.

That said, having put the Bullbars on at last my spots are now at eyeball height. Everyone who came at me on full bean last night dipped their lights pretty dammed quickly, well its that or I was quite happy to weld their eyeballs into the sockets.

Same though, chavs aplently no-one seems to check lights etc. What really annoyies me is when I see it on one of the Audis that I know full well is beeping and buzzing like mad to tell the occupant a light is out.

Looking for a chav-corsa to try the bullbars out on now, see if I cant avoid painting them.  :twisted:

[Rich_P]

Why does it appear to be that it is quite often these Subaru Imprezas, at least in my area, that always must be racing about?

For example yesterday out in the Series there was an Impreza right up the back of the Land Rover for a fair amount of time.  The driver clearly wanted to get past, but there was nowhere for him to do that.

He tried to get past me on a section of road where two lanes go into one, and there was a truck turning right on the right lane, and was stationary.  Fortunately for his own sake, the Impreza driver realised that the truck was stationary and pulled in behind the Land Rover again.

Then upon just a short distance after I had passed the truck, there is a steep curved bridge.  The Impreza shot past me on this climb on the bridge.  Complete idiot, considering that I can't see what traffic may be coming the other way and as a result he sure can't either.  What's worse is that there is a truck depot on the right just after the bridge, and the trucks often pull out onto the side that he was overtaking me on. :shock:

Hmm, perhaps it's a shame there wasn't one pulling out otherwise Darwin's natural selection would of been at work for once.

But the best part is that the driver then got held up by traffic infront, and even though he raced on ahead... I always came bumbling along in my thirty six year old Land Rover, stopping right up the back of his Impreza as he sat there waiting for the traffic lights to turn green.  :D This went on for several sets of traffic lights as well.  :lol:

Who needs performance when you're in a town's road network anyway?  :P

[Yoshi]

But our resident chav vehicle driver (M19ROO) has piped in yet  

[TDi90]

But our resident chav vehicle driver (M19ROO) has piped in yet  

LOL yes where is he?

[Evilgoat]

But our resident chav vehicle driver (M19ROO) has piped in yet  

LOL yes where is he?

Possibly scared :)

[Ja1983]

LMAO!

quality read!

Durhami had a middle aged woman whilst on the mobile in a ford Ka last week, wouldnt let me in when lanes merged.. SWMBO started getting very erratic when she noticed that the wing mirror of the ford Ka was actually IN my wheel arch!

luckily the twerp behind her who hadnt let me in before seemed to change his mind...

spent the next 20mins in traffic sat on (and possibly a few times touching) her bumper with main beam on...... think she may have seen me then!

pulled into the next lane at the traffic lights next to her and gave her sufficient verbal abuse to ensure she wont make the same mistake this week.... fingers crossed

SUPERMARKETS

particularly at this time of year have to be the bowels of hell.... a double space, on bay in front of the other... scumbag in corsa with more exhaust pipes than a bangkok crack house cuts right infornt of me and dives into the first bay, overhanging the second by about 2 ft.. he stops the engine and starts rolling a cig.... with window wound down, i give the usually greeting to such folk,  "yer dads in armley and your mums on the dole... you F`kin stiff!!" then drove round the block.....


been in the pickup, the rear of the bed is about 3ft off the ground, and has probbly 3ft of overhang... when i got to the otheside of the double space, it was still available..

without much hesitation, i reversed in at probably a tad on the exciting side of the recomended 10mph limit until the truck ws fully in the bay.

as i exited HOBO, i heard a sharp crunch into reverse and spotty asre corrected his parking alignment! magic!

also irritating is the c**ts trick of flicking your main beam back on just before you pass the car on the opposite side of the road.. theres a repeat offending mondeo who may shortly befall the pointy end of "blinded pickup driver" (following fitment of winchmount of course)

for a bit of fun how much damage do you think the mondeo will have?

a) a weekend with the T-cut?
b) a weekend in pinderfields?
c) a convertable?
d) new bonnet vent?
e) FUBAR (F***ed beyond All Recognition)?
f) everything above diff level attached to pickup?
g) Brown interior
h) bent arial and tyremarks?

 :lol:  :lol:

please also find below Billy Connolys 13 irritations: (while on topic ;) )

MAURE LANGUAGE, its billy Connely afterall..

Billy Connolly's 13 things I hate about people:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours?  Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
F*cking right!  What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
do this?  Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?".  No
tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking
floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?.  Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'.  Which is it?  If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it.  If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short".  What the f*ck??  Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!!  What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
yet?.  If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?'  No
it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an
image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....  It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have
a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f*cking McTosser.