TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
'Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the trails,
Every Jeep was stranded, Their progress like snails.
They had no shovels, No rope and no winch,
No CB, no cell-phone, To get out of their pinch.
When out from a mud pit, There arose such a clatter;
All the 'wheelers came running To see what was the matter.
I saw some poor Jeep All covered in crud;
He had blown his motor trying to get free of the mud.
As he stood there I noticed His glowing red face,
And I knew in an instant He wanted out of this place.
I glanced at his roof, It was all I could see;
He pleaded for help From my WARN winch and from me.
So I sprang to the front Of my trusty old Rover,
Spooled out the winch cable, Said "Hook 'er up, grover!"
He went for a swim In the watery hell, and
I laughed as he turned brown, And started to smell.
He hooked up the cable to his buried front hook,
I put a coat on the line Like it says in the book.
I winched him out quickly, A very fast session;
And I charged him a C-note, To teach him a lesson.
I then drove my D-90 through the same mud and muck;
And lo and behold I too became stuck!!
With an almighty bang and a hell of a clatter.
I suddenly realised I knew what was the matter
A broken axle, Oh damn and oh blast!
Driving a lawnrover, I know they don't last!
2 axles, 1 busted. I knew who to blame.
All I could do was hang my poor head in shame.
I really thought that I'd have the last laugh.
And I would if it wasn't for this damned broken halfshaft.
Now in the mire, no drive to the front
Wishing I'd never tried such a cocky stunt
Trying to go forwards in the dead of the night,
Yet another bang gave me a hell of a fright.
I tried all the gears, no nothing ... oh hell!
I realised the rear axle had blown up as well!
I cursed for relying on the landy to go.
After all it was built with the mini metro!
Those morons in birmingham can't design a toad,
Let alone something that can be relied on offroad.
Then a man in a red truck pulled up alongside,
and enquired of me if I needed some aide.
Swallowing my pride I accepted with grace,
and he pulled up in front with a grin on his face.
Hitching up to my tow point he did in a flash
and very soon we were off at a dash!
Out to the road for the tow truck to wait.
I knew for my dinner i was going to be late
Yet more from my wallet I was needing to pay.
To fix this damned thing - I should throw it away!
As he wound down his window and drove out of sight,
He smugly yelled back "Buy a Pajero... Land Rovers are
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